Day 6 – Marriage is weird

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Day 6 – Marriage is weird


Marriage is weird.

Like really weird.

I’ve never been a massive fan of the idea. On paper the concept of having a party to celebrate your connection with another person is great, but everything that follows seems to be far too much of a social construct.

Every time I hear someone on TV saying they’re for “traditional values in marriage” I can’t help but think that they’re homophobic. Or anti-gay marriage (at best).

Imagine if you had to have a form of marriage for your friends. After a certain amount of time you turned to your friend and said “hey, we’ve been friends for a while now, I think we should get up in front of our other friends and tell them how good our friendship is, exchange jewellery and make a commitment to doing what we’re currently doing, but in the eyes of a god (who may or may not exist)”. Before you say anything… I know you can have non-religious weddings, but go with me on this.

You just wouldn’t… or would you. If it was a “tradition” and “the way things are” you might. In Hawaii I found out that Tinder is used to make friends and find people to hitch hike with. Yes. Tinder. The app British people use for NSA hook ups, the people of Hawaii use to hitch hike.

Marriage is weirdly pressuring. In my last relationship (for some reason) my dad asked me if I wanted to marry her. I didn’t. She didn’t want to get married. We were all set on that. However he said that if we did get married we’d get to have a really big party to celebrate… containing tons of my parents friends. This is totally not for me or “us”. It was for him. It’s weird sometimes how we can make things not about what they are about while not losing sight of the fact we’re celebrating the thing we’re ignoring (not sure if that made sense, but these blogs are meant to be a stream of consciousness so go with me).

As I see it, wedding is for the couple, the party is for the parents / friends. Much like the funeral is for the dead person and the wake / after party is for the living.

I don’t think I’ll ever get married because I don’t believe things can last forever and logistically it’s hell to get a divorce (or so I am told). In my relationships I’d want to make leaving the most logistically easy thing possible so I know I’m in it for the right reasons. I think it’s partly why I don’t think I’d live with someone I’m dating again. I totally won’t be getting a pet with a partner anytime soon. Now we’re off topic.

I guess what I am saying is, marriage only works because we’ve all accepted it the way it is. Before it was used for romantic love it was just a way of keeping wealth in the hands of the wealth and passing on land. Now we live in a world where the fact that 1% of the population of the UK have as much money as 99% of us makes us sick, why would we want to carry on a system which probably helped create that situation? If the other person wants to be with you they will be with you. End.



Simon Caine is a comedian, author, podcaster, writer and social media manager. He's the host of the Ask The Industry Podcast (iTunes link) , writer of jokes for Twitter and teller of gags on the London comedy scene. He's also the person writing this and it is taking all his willpower not to make a "Simon Says" joke.
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