So it begins. A daily blog. I think I will write about helping an old lady walk to a supermarket 2 days ago. I was helping my friend Bella unpack her life when we both spotted an old lady leaning up against a shop. I told Bella I was going to help her and she should go on ahead.
I asked the old lady if she needed assistance and proceeded to walk her to Sainsbury’s round the corner. She told me that the area was windy and she wouldn’t have made it on her own. Also that she is 90 years old. I was impressed by her age and ability to try to take care of herself. I was saddened by the fact nobody else had offered to help her or even notice her it seemed.
I didn’t feel good after. Well, I did. But not in the same way I usually do when I do something nice. I guess I did it for selfless reasons in the moment and nobody else would ever really find out about it. In my head I was half expecting a camera crew to appear and say I was part of a social experiment.
I didn’t do it for a good feeling, but you half expect when you do something nice to feel good afterwards. I guess I was too tired to appreciate it at the time and then when the moment had past I didn’t have any good feelings left for it.
There was a tiny side of me that thought up a really good and humble facebook status to write about what I’d done to try and make myself look good and get back that good feeling, but I avoided doing it. Largely because I didn’t see it as a worthy thing to brag about.
I think it says a lot about myself and my mind that I feel the need to post things on a social media site to gain a feeling. I might have to investigate that. I’ve also noticed that I keep open a social network at all times (almost) which frankly is a little worrying. I want to read more and to do that I need to “log off”.
Had I been on social media when I past that old lady I wouldn’t have seen her. I would have ignored her like everyone else. I would have been reading about how someone else helped her walk to Sainsbury’s and liking their status. Passing the good feeling onto them rather than myself. I wonder how many of my Facebook friends did something nice that day and didn’t post about it. Even now I am thinking “should I share this post on Facebook?” or is it me finding a way of having my cake and eating it as well? It’s tricky, because where does the line between “doing something good for the sake of it” end and “doing something for the credit and feeling” begin.
I’m not sure where I am going with this. I think I shouldn’t have started this blog at nearly 1am. Night. x